Teaching Your Child Emotional Agility

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It’s hard to see a child unhappy. Whether a child is crying over the death of a pet or the popping of a balloon, our instinct is to make it better, fast.

That’s where too many parents get it wrong, says the psychologist Susan David, author of the book “Emotional Agility.” Helping a child feel happy again may offer immediate relief for parent and child, but it doesn’t help a child in the long term.

“How children navigate their emotional world is critical to lifelong success,” she said.

Research shows that when teachers help preschoolers learn to manage their feelings in the classroom, those children become better problem solvers when faced with an emotional situation, and are better able to engage in learning tasks. In teenagers, “emotional intelligence,” or the ability to recognize and manage emotions, is associated with an increased ability to cope with stressful situations and greater self-esteem. Some research suggests that a lack of emotional intelligence can be used to predict symptoms of depression and anxiety.

Emotional skills, said Dr. David, are the bedrock of qualities like grit and resilience. But instead of allowing a child to fully experience a negative emotion, parents often respond with what Dr. David describes as emotional helicoptering.

“We step into the child’s emotional space,” she said, with our platitudes, advice and ideas. Many common parental strategies, like minimizing either the emotion or the underlying problem or rushing to the rescue, fail to help a child learn how to help herself.

Dr. David offers four practical steps for helping a child go through, rather than around, a negative emotion and emerge ready to keep going — feel it, show it, label it, watch it go.

Feel It. While it may seem obvious to feel emotions, many families focus on pushing away negative emotions. “When we’re saying ‘don’t be sad, don’t be angry, don’t be jealous, don’t be selfish,’ we’re not coming to the child in the reality of her emotion,” she said. “Validate and see your child as a sentient person who has her own emotional world.”

Show It. Similarly, many families have what Dr. David calls “display rules” around emotions — there are those it is acceptable to show, and those that must be hidden. “We see expressions like ‘boys don’t cry’ and ‘we don’t do anger here,’ or ‘brush it off,’” she said. “We do it with very good intentions, but we are teaching that emotions are to be feared.”

Label It. Labeling emotions, Dr. David said, is a critical skill set for children.

“We need to learn to recognize stress versus anger or disappointment,” she said. Even very young children can consider whether they’re mad or sad, or angry or anxious or scared. “Labeling emotions is also at the core of our ability to empathize. Ask ‘How do you think so-and-so is feeling? What does their face tell you?’”

As children get older, she adds, we can talk more about emotional complexities. “We can be simultaneously excited and anxious and frustrated, and we also need to learn to recognize that in other people,” she said.

Watch It Go. Even the hardest emotions don’t last forever. Dr. David suggests helping your child to notice that. “Sadness, anger, frustration — these things have value, but they also pass. They’re transient, and we are bigger than they are. Say, ‘This is what sadness feels like. This is what it feels like after it passes. This is what I did that helped it pass.’”

We can also help children to remember that we don’t necessarily feel the same emotion every time we have a similar experience. The high dive is scariest the first time. We might feel a lot of anxiety at one party, or in one science class, but have a different experience the next time.

“We’re very good, as humans, at creating these stories around emotions,” Dr. David said. “‘I’m not good at making friends. I can’t do math.’ Those are feelings and fears, not fixed states. People and things change.”

Finally, she said, help your child plan for experiencing the emotion again. “Ask, ‘Who do you want to be in this situation?’” she said. “What’s important to you about this?” Children feel stronger as they begin to learn that it’s not how they feel, but how they respond to the feeling, that counts.

Source: http://www.nytimes.com/2016/10/04/well/family/teaching-your-child-emotional-agility.html?_r=0

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Bonding over a Hike

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Mumbai is known for its beautiful, mesmerizing monsoons and this year the rains just don’t seem to stop. This is motivation enough to let go off the sunday sleep and get set on a trail in the backcountry to explore the mountains, get away from the city chaos, weekend traffic and find some time with family and spend those tiny moments of contentment.

Today, began in a similar way. Everything was set and arranged for, to visit some ancient buddhist caves that date back to the second century at a village called Kondane , about two and half hours from the city of mumbai. Our joinees were kids tagged along by their dads or mums or both. Some kids wanted to have fun all by themselves, so they came solo. These caves also have a small waterfall around them which becomes a major attraction for the young bees and a great stress buster for the parents. The hike being simple in grade doesn’t really wear one out,but the slippery muddy feet and little patches of rocks do add in their share of adventure. The trail begins through a small village that makes one wonder of how life would be , living in a far off place that doesn’t have local transport, no constant electricity and houses that don’t have doors to their rooms! Now thats surely a starter to be grateful of having the lifestyle that we have!

This small troop of hikers explored the hills and the forests to finally reach their highest summit point after an hour. All through that hour there were so many little moments of meaningfulness that transpired amongst them. Our team witnessed these, and their hearts glowed with warmth and love. Kids went all out to help other kids, make sure that they were safe, their friends were safe. They were ready to take on adventures and face whatever came on their way. The curiosity that arose on seeing insects, different shades of greens, small water lodges, algae covered rocks, slimy mosses were interesting to witness. The conversations that happened between kids and their parents had that extra element of fun, and nurture of being in the outdoors. Like some unsaid ties had broken loose and the parent bird can give a slight push to the baby bird to realise the strength of their wings. As facilitators, the minimal intervention works best in an outdoor hiking setting. A few loaded questions sets up the momentum in a different direction and you know the families are going to be in a different state of mind all day. The beauty about this experience is the great sense of achievement that they feel individually and as a team together to have accomplished what looks like a massive task.  To overcome thirst, hunger, full bladders, fatigue, buzzing insects, slippery paths, sleep and yet come back having the best experience when all this washes out owing to those chilled gushing waters from the fall, relieves all the anxieties and angst, the kids and even adults feel the exuberance from a state of self reward. It works wonders.

As parents we always want to try and give the best of the things to our kids, be it education, extra curriculars, gadgets, accessories etc. The emerging era of parenting has now started showing a shift in their approach of learning for their kids, and it’s commendable to see young parents go out of their way to engage their kids in various experiences beyond classrooms. They say, kids have an outrageous potential for exploration, and if that is mentored and supported by an adult, it can become a great transforming tool for the kids overall development in their various forms of intelligences. Spending time with your kids in the outdoors in a hike like today is a great booster for them. It changes the quotient between kids, their parents and even siblings.

Bonding over a hike surely demands efforts, but every bit is worth is !

By : Charmi Gada

28th August 2016

Why Young Kids Learn Through Movement

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Photo URL    : http://www.flickr.com/photos/nattu/895220635/Children acquire knowledge by acting and then reflecting on their experiences, but such opportunities are increasingly rare in school.

One of my children is spinning in a circle, creating a narrative about a princess as she twirls. The other is building a rocket ship out of a discarded box, attaching propellers made of cardboard and jumping in and out of her makeshift launcher. It is a snow day, and I’ve decided to let them design their own activities as I clean up and prepare a meal. My toddler becomes the spinning princess, imagining her character’s feelings and reactions. What seems like a simple story involves sequencing, character development, and empathy for the brave princess stuck in her tower. The rocket ship my first grader is working on needs a pilot and someone to devise the dimensions and scale of its frame; it also needs a story to go with it. She switches between roles and perspectives, between modes of thinking and tinkering.

This kind of experiential learning, in which children acquire knowledge by doing and via reflection on their experiences, is full of movement, imagination, and self-directed play. Yet such learning is increasingly rare in early-childhood classrooms in the U.S, where many young children spend their days sitting at tables and completing worksheets. Kindergarten and preschool in the U.S. have become more and more academic, rigorously structuring kids’ time, emphasizing assessment, drawing a firm line between “work” and “play”—and restricting kids’ physical movement. A study from the University of Virginia released earlier this year found that, compared to 1998, children today are spending far less time on self-directed learning—moving freely and doing activities that they themselves chose—and measurably more time in a passive learning environment.

With so few years under their belts, my 3- and 6-year-old daughters are still learning to inhabit their bodies. They are learning how to maneuver themselves physically, how to orient themselves in space. As Vanessa Durand, a pediatrician at St. Christopher’s Hospital for Children in Philadelphia, says, freedom of movement is necessary for children to meet their developmental milestones: “Children learn by experiencing their world using all of their senses. The restriction of movement, especially at a young age, impedes the experiential learning process.”

Movement allows children to connect concepts to action and to learn through trial and error. “If you walk into a good kindergarten class, everyone is moving. The teacher is moving. There are structured activities, but generally it is about purposeful movement,”comments Nancy Carlsson-Paige, a professor emerita of early-childhood education at Lesley University and the author of Taking Back Childhood, describing the ideal classroom setup. In the classroom culture she advocates for, “[Kids] are getting materials for an activity, they are going back and deciding what else they need for what they want to create, seeing how the shape of a block in relation to another block works, whether they need more, does it balance, does it need to be higher, is it symmetrical. All of these math concepts are unfolding while kids are actively building and moving.”

Research has shown time and again that children need opportunities to move in class. Memory and movement are linked, and the body is a tool of learning, not a roadblock to or a detour away from it. Any parent who has brought home a kindergartener after school, bursting with untapped energy yet often carrying homework to complete after a seven-hour day, can reasonably deduce whychildren today have trouble keeping still in their seats. Many children are getting 20-minute breaks, or none at all. (In Florida, parents whose children have no recess have been campaigning to legislate recess into the curriculum.) Recess, now a more frequent topic of research studies, has been found to have “important educational and developmental implications.” Schools that have sought to integrate more movement and free play, such as short 15-minute recess periods throughout the day, have seen gains in student attention span and instructional time. As Carlsson-Paige points out, “Recess is not a separate thing in early-childhood education.”

Reference : http://www.theatlantic.com/education/archive/2016/05/why-young-kids-learn-through-movement/483408/

Doctors Explain How Hiking Actually Changes Our Brains

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While it may seem obvious that a good hike through a forest or up a mountain can cleanse your mind, body, and soul, science is now discovering that hiking can actually change your brain… for the better!

Hiking In Nature Can Stop Negative, Obsessive Thoughts

Aside from the almost instant feeling of calm and contentment that accompanies time outdoors, hiking in nature can reduce rumination. Many of us often find ourselves consumed by negative thoughts, which takes us out of the enjoyment of the moment at best and leads us down a path to depression and anxiety at worst. But a recent study published in Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences found that spending time in nature decreases these obsessive, negative thoughts by a significant margin.

To conduct this study, researchers compared the reported rumination of participants who hiked through either an urban or a natural environment. They found those who walked for 90 minutes in a natural environment reported lower levels of rumination and they also had reduced neural activity in the subgenual prefrontal cortex, an area of the brain related to mental illness. Those who walked through the urban environment, however, did not report decreased rumination.

The researchers noted that increased urbanization closely correlates with increased instances of depression and other mental illness. Taking the time to regularly remove ourselves from urban settings and spend more time in nature can greatly benefit our psychological (and physical) well-being.

Hiking While Disconnected From Technology Boosts Creative Problem Solving

A study conducted by psychologists Ruth Ann Atchley and David L. Strayer found that creative problem solving can be drastically improved by both disconnecting from technology and reconnecting with nature. Participants in this study went backpacking through nature for about 4 days, during which time they were not allowed to use any technology whatsoever. They were asked to perform tasks which required creative thinking and complex problem solving, and researchers found that performance on problem solving tasks improved by 50% for those who took part in this tech-free hiking excursion.

The researchers of this study noted that both technology and urban noise are incredibly disruptive, constantly demanding our attention and preventing us from focusing, all of which can be taxing to our cognitive functions. A nice long hike, sans technology, can reduce mental fatigue, soothe the mind, and boost creative thinking.

Hiking Outdoors Can Improve ADHD In Children

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) is becoming more and more common among children. Children who have ADHD have a difficult time with impulse control and staying focused, they get distracted easily, and exhibit excessive hyperactivity

While raising children who have ADHD can be difficult for parents, the usual solution — opting for prescription medication — may be doing more harm than good, particularly when natural solutions can work just as well. A study conducted by Frances E Kup, PhD, and Andrea Faber Taylor, PhD, found that exposing children with ADHD to “green outdoor activities” reduces symptoms significantly. The results of this study suggest nature exposure can benefit anyone who has a difficult time paying attention and/or exhibits impulsive behavior.

Hiking In Nature Is Great Exercise And Therefore Boosts Brainpower

We already know that exercising is fantastic for our overall well-being. Hiking is an excellent way to burn between 400 – 700 calories per hour, depending on your size and the hike difficulty, and it is easier on the joints than other activities like running. It has also been proven that people who exercise outside are more likely to keep at it and stick to their programs, making hiking an excellent choice for those wishing to become more active on a regular basis.

Researchers from the University of British Columbia found that aerobic exercise increases hippocampal volume — the part of the brain associated with spatial and episodic memory — in women over the age of 70. Such exercise not only improves memory loss, but helps prevent it as well. Researchers also found that it can also reduce stress and anxiety, boost self esteem, and release endorphins. Many people take medication to solve each and every one of these issues, but the solution to these ills may be a lot simpler than you think!

How Can You Begin To Start Hiking?

Luckily, hiking is one of the easiest and least expensive sports to get involved in, and it can have great benefits for the whole family, including grandma! Start out small and test your abilities. Do what works for you — if that means just walking through trails in a park, that’s fine. Any exercise outdoors is better than none. You can easily find maps of trails around your home online, and there are plenty of smartphone apps to map them out, too. I recommend turning off your signal and your phone while hiking though, so you can reap the most benefits of the hike (though it may be wise to at least carry it with you in case of emergency).

Make sure you have some good sturdy hiking shoes, a hat, and a water bottle, and be sure to layer your clothing so you can take things on or off easily as you warm up and cool down. You may want to consider using trekking poles as well, which can increase your speed and take some of the pressure off your knees. Now, can you just do one thing for me?
Go take a hike!

Reference: http://www.collective-evolution.com/2016/04/08/doctors-explain-how-hiking-actually-changes-our-brains/

Reconnecting today’s kids with the outdoors

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There’s something ingrained in our DNA, something seared into our psyche that triggers a primal sense of harmony when we escape four walls and venture into the great outdoors. Team Kshitij feels that euphoria every time we step out on a trail. When you go out in the woods you feel good. You play. You discover. You feel peaceful.

It’s almost like going a little crazy if we can’t get a regular dose of outdoor activity.

We believe, we as humans have a special connection to the outdoors. It is a natural desire we have to feed. Driven by our own passions, Kshitij is trying to grow a movement to reconnect today’s kids with the outdoors. We evolved as part of the natural world. But today most children live in a totally artificial environment. It’s intriguing to watch what happens when kids are left to their own devices with a dose of unstructured outside playtime.

You will see them just start running and going to the creek and looking at bugs — they revert to what they are supposed to be. “We just have to encourage them to be free.”
It’s important for the body as well as the soul. They need to use their bodies to really develop properly. Movement affects cognition. A day of being in the outdoors, hiking, kayaking can pay off all week long, helping kids focus in school thanks to a subconscious sense of fulfilment — both physical and emotional. Obviously it is a great outlet for the pent up energy within kids these days. Being in the outdoors is a gateway to a healthy lifestyle, a critical element in an era of junk food and childhood obesity.

Given the bad influences and diversions surrounding children, an outdoor hobby “keeps the mind and the body pure. A national movement to combat so-called “nature deficit disorder” has been building over the past decade. The phrase was coined by author Richard Louv in his influential book Last Child in the Woods, which sounded the alarm about the staggering divide between children and the outdoors, and touched off a rallying cry to action.

Instilling children with a love of nature is critical for the well-being of society at large, which depends on a healthy planet. “They will be our future caretakers”.

 

Reference: http://www.smokymountainnews.com/news/item/15851-reconnecting-today-s-kids-with-the-outdoors-is-critical-to-their-well-being

Edited by: Charmi Gada

 

 

Camping with Kids !

Camping with children can bring you back to the simplicity of nature. It increases your awareness of your surroundings and can refresh your appreciation for the many things that so often go unnoticed. Many things are learned and experienced for the first time during each day in the life of a child. Patience is almost unavoidable. It is so important to take the time to enjoy the journey of these new experiences with your child. In nature there are so many amazing things to discover. Camping can be a wonderful adventure. Just think – the birds and animals, the plants and trees, the rocks, the streams and ponds, the insects, the sounds, the weather, the wildflowers, and the many activities that can provide so much excitement. The possibilities are endless! By planning successful, enjoyable camping trips when your children are young, you will set them on the path to a lifetime of outdoor adventures.

**Get the kids interested in the trip by getting them involved. Build their excitement and anticipation.

  • Plan the camping trip together
    • Decide on places to go – consider interests, outdoor experience and children’s ages.
    • Pick activities to do
    • Plan and shop for your meals
    • Prepare and pack the equipment and supplies
  • Try a backyard campout before you go for the first time
    • Teach the kids how to set up a tent
    • Try some outdoor cooking
    • Experience a night outdoors in sleeping bags
    • Show them how to use some camping equipment
    • Plan a few activities
    • Search the sky for constellations
    • Listen to the many night sounds
    • Don’t forget the special nighttime snacks
  • Try to experience outdoor activities with your kids
    • Get them familiar with the outdoors in order to eliminate their fears
    • Teach them about safety and to respect nature
    • Teach outdoor skills and outdoor ethics
    • Camp chores are actually fun for kids. They love collecting firewood, filling water containers, hammering in tent stacks, camp cooking etc.
    • Make the camp chores extra fun – have contests for gathering the most kindling, best camp cooking, most organized gear
    • Take a small day hike in the woods at a local park
    • Visit a nature center
    • Go fishing at a local pond or stream
    • Take an evening walk
    • Go on a picnic
    • Read related books
    • Have a scavenger hunt
    • Go on a flashlight walk

**Take the necessary gear and supplies

  • Extra clothing and shoes – the kids will get wet and extremely dirty
  • Warm clothing – it may get chilly especially in the evening/dress in layers
  • Insect repellent – consider time-release formulas
  • Sunscreen – they’ll be outside all day
  • First aid kit – for those little accidents
  • Rain gear – keep them dry and warm
  • Toys, games, activities – you want to keep them busy
  • Check out Want to Play a Game?
  • Familiar bedtime items – pillows, blankets, stuffed animals, dolls etc
  • Flashlight/glow sticks – to help relieve nighttime fears
  • Snacks – all this activity is going to make them hungry
  • Drinks – avoid dehydration due to heat and activity level

**Create memories

  • Bring a camera with plenty of film/flash/extra batteries
  • Disposable type are excellent for outdoor activities
  • Give each child their own disposable camera
  • Capture your memories with video
  • Keep a journal
  • Describe details about your trip and the activities you did
  • Document special moments
  • Include photos
  • Have each family member write about their experience
  • Save crafts etc.
  • Personalized Jigsaw Puzzles
  • Keeping an Outdoor Adventure Photo Journal

**Plan alternative activities

  • For bad weather
  • To avoid boredom during down times
  • If they dislike a certain planned activity

**Respect campground quiet hours

**Make your travel fun

  • Don’t travel a great distance – stop frequently
  • Make your trips short – maybe two or three nights
  • Take toys and activities to keep them busy
  • Play car games – license plates, sign abc’s, singing etc
  • Take plenty of snacks
  • Build their excitement and anticipation

family camp

‘Lil’ moments of meaningfulness

Untitled-2 copyIt took him plenty of courage in that already fearful state of mind, to cross over and go to the outer side of the rappelling wall. It is at this point that one is supposed to lean behind as an initial step to climbing down the wall. It is at this point that the fear reaches its peak. As one participant child told me, ‘It felt like I would fall down and the back of my head would hit the floor!’ Although all the safety harnesses are used, and the participants are aware of that, fear finds its way. This boy, around eleven years old, already seemed too scared – most participants are, children and adults alike, when they climb those stairs which feel like they are floating in the air, with no walls around them. This, coupled with the widely prevalent fear of heights, makes the activity even more challenging for many, especially the first timers!

The moment he got himself to the outer side of the wall, he almost freezed there.  The technical expert tried encouraging him to lean back and start rappelling down, but in vain. Just when I started telling the technical expert to get the boy back inside, I saw tears in his eyes. We got him inside. I told him to sit, breathe and relax; offered him some water. It seemed liked he wanted to be alone for some time. So I started attending to the other participants, while constantly aware of the boy and how he was feeling. After sometime, I sat beside him, and we began conversing.

JBCN1We were looking at other participants doing the activity while we were talking. Almost everyone had that look of ‘I’m scared but I would like to be able to do it!’ on their face. I made him aware of how the initial part of leaning behind was scary for all of them, after which it got easier. He expressed his concerns and I explained to him how the safety gear that we use keeps us in total control and keeps them completely safe. Not once in the conversation did I ask him, ‘Would you like to try again?’ That didn’t feel right to ask at that moment. In fact, I told him that I’ll take him safely down the stairs if he wishes to do so. I reminded him that we had already decided earlier as a group that we would be following the principle of ‘Challenge by choice’* and no one would force him to complete the activity. I was quite surprised by the way I was dealing with the situation. It almost felt to me like I was being his ‘mum’ at that time, who was trying to make him feel safe and was trying to do the right thing for him at that moment.

A few minutes passed by while the other participants continued doing the activity. And then came that moment of magic! He told me that he wanted to do the activity, this time, with a lot more confidence in his voice. He got up. We helped him put on the safety harness. He crossed over to the outer side of the wall. No wonder he was scared! But this time, he did not freeze. With some encouragement from our side, he leaned behind and went down rappelling on the wall. I saw him from above when he reached the floor. With both his hands up in the air, he felt and expressed a strong sense of victory!

A few minutes later, almost the same story got replayed, with another participant. Only this time, when he finally reached the floor rappelling down the wall, he happened to say, ‘Hey, this was easy!’ – wondering, why was he so scared at all in the first place. Untitled-3While this was happening, one of the participants, who had mustard enough courage to climb those stairs after some initial hesitation, was standing there on the top for quite some time, looking at other participants doing the activity. She was the only one remaining.  I asked her, ‘Would you like to try?’ She said yes. And during that crucial moment when she had to lean back, she got highly scared and changed her mind. I told the technical expert to get her back inside. She almost rushed to go back down the stairs. I told her to wait, breathe and I accompanied her down the stairs. I tried telling her things like ‘It was quite brave of you to climb up those stairs and attempt the activity’. But I knew that nothing I would say would make her feel completely fine about the fact that she didn’t go ahead with it, while most others were able to do so. A few moments ago, when she was up there, on the outer side of the wall, I had a choice. I could force her down the wall (while ensuring her safety) and hope that it would help her overcome her fear and feel good about herself. But that would bring with it the risk of it becoming an experience that she would thereon associate with a state of ‘panic’, and may be, never ever attempt it at all. And this would not only defeat the entire purpose of the activity, but could also cause damage to her overall self-confidence.

The activity was over. I walked away from the wall with a lot of thoughts in my mind, but with an overall positive feeling in me, a feeling for which I haven’t yet found the exact word. A feeling that I would like to further explore in the years ahead. A feeling that may be the prime reason behind my current desire to be a part of more such experiences as a facilitator. A feeling that comes back to me every time I think of those moments – those ‘Lil’ moments of meaningfulness in which the power of ‘Challenge by choice’ came alive!

Nikhill (raahi)

* This experience was a part of the three-day camp for a school organized by ‘Kshitij – Redefining Fun’. At Kshitij, we try and add value to the lives of participants by using a methodology called ‘Experiential Education’. One of the key principles we follow is ‘Challenge by Choice’, wherein the participants themselves choose the way they want to participate in a particular activity and the level of challenge they would like to attempt. It has been observed that learning that happens in this way is more effective and ownable than in a situation where the participants are reluctantly made to do an activity on someone else’s terms.